it's been one

heck of a day!! Zakariah almost got ran over 3 times!! Nehemiah threw a fit at Walmart over some stupid hot wheels I was so mad becuz he doesn't know wat the word NO means. My kids tested my patience today to the max and when we got home I spanked them and put em in their room till I made their dinner before church. somedays I can handle all their little games and loudness but today I didn't want no part of it still don't I'm glad they are warm and happily sleeping!!!

Owen got moved around at his job and he's been gone for 3 day!! sucks but tonite he came home to spend a few hours and take a lil nap before going back in at 130am boo oh well maybe he'll get the weekend off so we can hang out :)

I'm still looking for a job nothing is hiring. which really sucks I hate not working makes me crazy. grr

life's directions...

I know everything is predestined  by God and i know it leaves some people especially my self with a lot of what ifs and why not questions about somethings that have happen and hasn't happen but I guess in the end it doesn't matter at all just as long as Jesus gets all the glory. 
    Today i was thinking about my friend Karim aka Alex... he was my second friend when i moved to Austin He showed me all over the austin we seen and did so much and had fun. I liked him so much i wanted to be with him 24/7 and forever as far as i was concerned but i was in a sticky situation that i didnt even tell him about sorta like a secret life he didnt even know about. some seriously bad things had happen that i got caught up in the moment and i had to leave i didnt have time to say goodbye to him except on a stupid text message and i was upset it had to be that way. I left to go to Kentucky where my mom was and we video chatted alot i missed him and i had to tell him the truth of why i left i was heart broken to tell him i was pregnant with Zakariah and i wanted so bad for zaki to his baby  but i knew it was not the most heart breaking moment was for me to tell him and he said it was ok and that i should have told him what was really going he would have "saved me" from situation but i was afraid and didnt wanna lose him . So after months of not seeing him a year and half later almost 2 years if not a lil more We deiced to meet up in Dallas to hang out for a day or two. It was raining all weekend so we couldn't do much except eat some nasty mexican food and hang out and talk it was great it was like we hadn't missed anything like it was before blah blah blah. He also watched beavis and butt-head for the first time at the hotel haha. He asked me multiple times to move back to Austin but i couldn't becuz of what had happen i was afraid of running in to the wrong people. Alex hates long distance relationships so we wouldn't ever do that and i see why becuz they suck whats the point in them so i didnt blame him for not wanting to have one. I went to Austin again in 2010 i didnt get to see him i wanted to but the trip was HORRIBLE i left as fast as i could and i really regret not seeing him. So after that we talked a few time the phone calls and texts messages sort of stopped or it would be random here and there. And now i could only say i love him as a friend nothing like before everything once again in my life has changed for the better. I have the best bf in the world i wouldnt change him for anything or anyone. and as for Alex i havent a clue becuz i havent spoken to him in months i feel sad becuz its hard  losing a dear friend it never easy to let go of the one you love but i just wanna know why did a relationship  never work with him if it wasnt one thing it was another pulling me in a differnt direction. Why does God put people in our life like that? To teach us lessons? To teach us heartbreak? Im glad God put him in my life!! Th Lord gives The Lord takes away blessed be the name of the LORD! (Job 1-21)

I hope it wont be

 a long December.. hehe jk i dont care how long or short the month i was just thinking of a song that said longgg December. Anyways its all ready been a crazy month my darling little Nehemiah has gotten sick with some ear infection and some viral mouth and throat ulcers ugh :( my poor baby. Also some genius who probably shouldn't be driving backed into my car and broke the light and dented the fender a bit its a little up setting to me grr oh well imma get it fixed. So at church on sunday we had an interesting sermon from 2 Thessalonians talking bout slackers and trackers in the church lol. Paster Bill was like before you start calling out others you need to know what you are first  hehe pretty interesting. I want to ask him tho what are you suppose to do with the slackers who have the shuv it you owe me type of attitude becuz i do know a few  people who are like that oh man what to do with them is what i wanna know. Im so thankful for Owen right now hes truely a God sent gift in my life Thank You Jesus!! 

My mom is outta town in Kentucky taken care of my grandparents they are sick :( my grandma made it out of the hospital alive so moms gotta care for her no one else is their to help her. Kinda sucks that my mom is away but its where she needs to be for now. ah well 

Its late now i wanna sleep..

wowowow

so once again i have been neglecting my blog hehe :\  i just didn't feel like writing i suppose. nothing new anyways. just thanksgiving was the other day we ate lunch at the church and just chilled at home and hung out with my dawling Owen. ill get back to this in a few days or weeks  -_-

i must say..

i am jobless again ack!! the girl told me oh i can give you 30 hours a week but instead it ending up being 1 day a week!! seriously no thanks ill save my gas and so now im jobless but i gotta find a job soon i cant keep letting Owen pay my bills all thought he doesn't mind but i do!! my daddy raised me better then that. My grandma Linda is very sick and in the hospital it will be a miracle if she makes it out alive. sad to say :( but i know this life is only temporary and Jesus is the end result!!  and now sleep is my result to the end of my day!!

its been a longgg

October ....and a bad month im glad its over!! but today being November 1 was an ok day till the end apparently i cant joke any more or i didnt get it so it led to big blah blah argument with Owen im really upset by it actually i just feel bad i dont know anymore.I love him to pieces and i really couldnt picture my life with out him. :(
 I got a job finally at family christian book store but i have only worked one day!! that better not be all i work one day a week is crazy i need 50+ hours a week grr oh well i will have to find a new one. 
I need to finish my bible study then sleep -_-

my life feels

like a total mess right now. I wish i had a freaking job that i could afford my  own house plus bills plus kids!!!    I cant wait to start my job although i will make barely enough to put gas in my freaking car!! OH LORD JESUS please come take us from this earth now i hate it!!! 

I have been

trying to gather my thoughts since 2 weeks now..some things have happen in my house and its a mess for sure and i being a mom i think im doing the right thing for my kids all though its really pissed off some other family members but oh well im over it i have kids to raise and ill do it the best way i think is right!! All we need is JESUS!! 

Owen added me to his car insurance its soo much cheaper and we got phone new cell phones blah blah blah. 

I hope i get a job soon i have put in a million apps i hate not working grr  

sleep in order now.. -_-

BOOMER SOONER!!

HECK YEA!!! OU wrecked tech!!!41OU 20tech  it was awesome man!! my first OU game my 2nd tech game also the first time i seen tech they wrecked by Iowa state haha it was awesome too!! it was a good game and a good day before the game Owen wanted to eat at Fuddruckers or sth i only ate cheese fries and then after the game we went to an indian restaurant it was yummy for our tummies!! im really proud of Owen trying sth new and to his surprise he liked it!! Owen is a great guy!! i just love him and i thank God hes in my life!!

happy 28th bday to me on friday!!lol im becoming old or sth i dont know what that means blah blah old smold well i cant keep my eyes open enough to finish this blog ill finish tomorrow and post OU pics!! Boomer Sooner!! 
   me and half of the face of my love lol silly !!

for Rachel

Best friend song!! Rachel and i have been threw alot of junk good bad ugly and super super fun party times!! Praise Jesus that He knows who to put in our lifes and who take out of lifes!! I luv ya Rach!!

no blues day tuesday..

Sooo i left out an important note from sunday and a pic i purposely bought Nehemiah a pink shirt becuz i know Owen has a pink shirt and its cute when they match hehehe.ill post a few pics at the end of this blog. Yesterday i took Zak to school and he didnt wanna go so we went out to the car then he starts throwing a fit to go back into school well i should have just kept him home becuz mom said his teacher said he was holy terror and would not listen and he sat in time out for most of the day. acck!!! So today i kept him home becuz he had a snotty nose and just wasn't feeling well. So well see how he is in the morning to see if he wants to  go tomorrow.

Tonite we started a bible study "stepping up" with Beth Moore  its gunna be awesome study!! 
Zaki all ice creamed up!!

 my pinky boys!! lol <3

 Owen and i being super silly!

BIBLE STUDY!! being face down before Adonai WILL change our life's.

sunday funday

it was a nice day today!! After church we drove around to 150 waffles house's to try to find one to eat at but they were sooo busy all of them we went to!!! so we just settled for taco bell those doritoes locos tacos are the bomb double high five to the person who thought of that lol. After lunch Zaki has a nap and miah stayed at home with mom while Owen and i came and cleaned his apartment really good it needed it lol so now its nice and clean and smells good!! After we spent a few hours doing that we went to the church picnic but not for very long becuz it started raining i think by the time we got back o my house it stopped oh well it was fine while we where there for a lil bit.
I got unemployment becuz i got fired from my job blah oh well at least i know ill be able to pay my bills thx God but i really need a job soon i hate not working and being busy im gunna go threw all my stuff this week i have boxs and boxs of junk in my room that im not sure what it is im such a packrat i hate it but i cant seem to get rid of stuff grr!! ill fix that this week.

 Church was good today!! i enjoyed the word then after church i always drive around back of the church to exit and some couple was coming reallllly fast they almost ran into and then they were flippingme off and screaming at me from there car lol they were going to church.. how nice of them.. i hope they got saved today or atleast repented 

its only 923 pm and i think im actually go to bed before 10 pm i pretty tired and its hard to wake up to get miah awake for school at 745 soo good nite friends...

All things new by Elevation Worship (Lyrics)

it has been

a crazy week i have been a day behind sorta. i thought Miah had school pics on friday and they were thursday. so i totally had a melt down and cried and freaked out over some stuff. becuz i dont have job there fore not enough money to pay my bills Thanks God for Owen being able to help me out.  I really hope i get a job soon ive put in 10thousand apps.

zaki got sick on friday so he couldnt go to school he was a bit mad becuz he loves school but its ok he cant go sick.

i need some sleep... (*_*)

The Proof Of Your Love: For King And Country

i feel like..

a little ball of emotions tide up and if i were to get poked i dont know if i would cry laugh or explode in anger...roar 
I HATE not having a job i hate staying home 24/7 i hate not being able to pay my bills.

im envious of people with good relationship i want a perfect one i know they dont exist but at least i want a realy good one!! I wish me and Owen communicated more and a few other things that are blah right now. I suppose i disappointed him again when i asked him who some people were on his phone his voice sounded disappointed when i asked him :| sorry Owen im the worst gf ever i hope i dont disappoint you to much. ack

blah i cant even think what to write to much and i just dont feel like finishing this blog tonite.... good nite 

This week..

is fair week...so i signed me and Owen  to work in the Radio by Grace booth for a few days. then today me and Thomas worked there from 1:30 till 5 it was long and boring but we got a few people signed up to win a free ipad. Afterwords we went over to a cookout with some peeps from church to talk bout the air show and what was good and bad all in all the airshow went well for a first time thing!! im glad i got to participate in that. 

I feel in freak out mode a little bit and i didnt stay to hang out with Owen cuz i didnt wanna drive him crazy about it becuz he calls me crazy when i do. i keep getting all these bad thoghts or things up in my head that i wanna ask him bout and hell probably be wtheck so i just left becuz he thought i was cranky so its best to come home then to hang out for a bit. I wish he would help me or try to understand my freak mode and then maybe i wouldn't be so freaky idk. it makes me crazy sometimes. maybe hes annoyed by me cuz i mean we have hung out almost every nite till late. so idk i just need some sleep and not to be woke up my nehemiahs alarm for school!!

It  really sucks not having a job its maken me nuts and i wanna cry!!

Erykah Badu feat.Stephen Marley-In Love with You

soo i've noticed..

..that almost every other blog is about a bad weekend i've had!!! ugh well i have another bad weekend blog lol and i have decided maybe i should just stay in bed during the weekend!! 

Ok so its not that bad of a weekend!! Rissa and the kids came over for dinner friday and then on saturday afternoon for lunch we just hung and talked girl stuff. exciting lol 

Dad had invited me and the boys and Owen over for dinner and some little finished with probation party but before that we stopped by Amys house so miah could see his half sisters for a min and so i got in the kitchen she starts screaming at me and saying what the eff r u doing here u need to effen leave and so do ur kids. like seriously... she doesnt always have to be  jerk and im tired of her rude all about amy attitude she can have herself for a while im not doing anything with her or for her until she apologizes for her jerkyness ididnt do anything to her and she didnt even give me a chance to say anything. and then at church today she tellsme to get over it umm no jerk she needs to realize shes not he queen of the world and she cant treat others rude all the time no matter if its family or not.

Soo mr smart pants Owen got my car stuck in the mud :| i was madd cuz he didnt listen to me on how to go and then bam were stuck i was mad but i got over it after a little bit i guess its ok since nothing got broken or tore up. Tony pulled us out of the mud.

Owens looking for a house so after church  i took him to this place that builds them for you and i think hes gunna think bout getting one there idk yet hes not sure i just think hes wasting money on renting places plus the fee for animals is crazyyy. so who knows what he wants to do. 

all in all sunday was an allright day!! Praise Jesus 

I know life..

...isnt perfect and nothing in it will ever be except Jesus. and I know my life isnt perfect right now even with the loss of my job which i am ok with...but everything else seems to be well!! But i find it hard to enjoy my time when God is blessing  when i know my friends life has fallen part and it doesn't seem to look like it will get any better!!! How do you  deal with this!? One of my friends whom ive know for 10++++ years i call  her my sister becuz thats how she is too me her husband just up and left her and the kids after 13 years!? Sure no marriage is perfect becuz we are human filthy rags to God but i still im at a loss for words at this they were suppose to be together forever ...and i have another friend who was engaged and now single and moving back home its like what went wrong!? Is not fixable? I just want these women happy not lost and hurt and out of love. Seeing things like this happen makes me sad and hard to close my eyes and get lost in love in a relationship.becuz i dont ever wanna end up in divorce broken hearted and lost alone out of love it pains me to even think bout it!!!!  This isnt the first time sth like this has happen in my life.. a few back i was ecstatic becuz after 8 years of the same car i baught anew one i was on cloud 9 everything was going good my job my family life no love life becuz i didnt want one i was happy. and then another friend... her life was falling apart and  i couldnt stomach her pain they were gunna lose their house her husband didnt wanna work or do anything she wanted to leave and i think on top of that she was having a miscarriage for the 7th time I couldn't speak anything that comforted her all i could was hug her and sure it didnt solve allthe problems she had but it helped her at that time and moment someone cared enough to listen to her and i still do i love my friends and i hate hate hate to see them go threw trails its hard to deal with. Im glad i and and those 3 friends serve the God of all comfort  Amen for Jesus!!

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.

its been a while..

..so a few things have happen for good and bad i guess!! I quit my job the other day i just got tired of it and they are wrong for what they didnt do!! my cow-worker should have gotten in trouble for creating a hostile work environment and nothing happen expect oh Amber sorry but there's no evidence of anything you said.. really!! thats ok so i quit.

My sister and i took the kids to wonderland they had a fun time they dont stop talking about it and they cant wait till next year!! lol silly boys!! love em tho!

Then over the weekend we had an airshow it was really awesome Owen was in charge of security so i helped very little lol the boys are lots of fun. 

I just came back from the movies with Owen!! it was a stupid movie actually some funny stuff but really nasty junk of the world. We went to eat also we had a nice conversation. I really like him alot <3 he baught me some beautiful flowers the other day hes so sweet really. I thank God He put him in my life.

When Mercy Found Me - Rhett Walker Band | With Lyrics

Happy weekend!

It was a good weekend really i think so!! Hung out with Owen and the boys. I need to work on the boys more about discipline and get them out of acting like spoiled brats and thinking the can get whatever they want when ever they want. Mostly Nehemiah is the worst one about it i tell Zaki no and he seems to understand.

Owen and i and miah went shopping at the mall and other stores looking for OU and tech jerseys Owen found himself a nice one i didnt find any imma order off the soonersports.com or sth maybe even go to OK for aweekend before the game why not!! could be fuN!!

i need to find a job asap ack. me and amy are taking our kids to wonderland today they love that place..soo ill post pics from that later!!

i dont know..

if ill ever understand men!! sure i can think i know but really i have no idea. so yea blah! im tired but i cant sleep. i have a job interview at 9:15am I pray i get it! im suppose to go back on sunday to the old job ack but i just dont want to..but i have to i have to much bills plus car payment junk blah blah sometimes i just sell it all and pack the kids up and move to Morocco!!! haha or atleast take a vacation there. I have some fugly fingernail polish on my fingers and im out of freaking remover!!! i have to get this off before the interview people look at this kind of stuff if you work with public NO UGLY fingernails i hate seeing people with ugly or chipped up polish on their nails!! 

I think on monday imma take my boys to wonderland i got free tickets thanks to Radio by Grace again lol they love that place im tired i must sleep or im gunna think my self crazy!! lol 

Sunday... came..

and gone... acutally at church they had Harvest America that night i really dig Greg Laurie but the Harvest America thing i expected something more i guess i mean the message was good stuff ive heard before but idk maybe if i was there at the stadium it would have been different!! well before we went to church we..Owen me and the kiddos went to Owens friends house for his wife's bday i totally didn't know it was her bday or we would have gotten her a gift oh well it was fun anyways met some new friends!! Then after church went home and got the kids ready for their first day of school!! 

  Nehemiah goes all day which is nice for me if he wont get into fights apparently he got into a fight today!! i have no idea why or whats going i need to ask his teacher what the heck happen!! Zakariah LOVES going to school he only goes half day in the afternoon he loves it he has so much fun and it wears him out. I was feeling a lil bored with out them tho... its ok cuz i need to look for a job!!

Owen and i are doing good!! Becuz i stopped worrying bout whose he calling or whose calling him or where hes going and what hes doing.n Im just trusting him and thats all i can do becuz if he does something wrong then that's on his conscience!! But  i hope all things work out well for us I like alot  hes pretty awesome person. So God be with us and if not then Lord separate us!! 

apparently i was too late to register for college today :\ who made this rule up!?! cant register the day after school starts ack!! oh well i need to look fora job and start next semester!

im gunna post the kids first day of school pics.. then i gotta get some rest i sleeppyy 

 Nehemiah to sleep to stand up to take pic lol 

 Zakariah all excited ready to walk out the door

me and miah taken a pic together!

yup it was my 5...

year old who pulled the fire alarm at church tonite!!! he was like oppss what did i do i said BIG TROUBLE!!  he was scared by all the sounds and flashy lights :\ gets me crazy some times. Well i found out today that Zakariah gets to go to school!! yippie skippie i hope he just acts good and not get into trouble becuz he is a bit of a wild child. ack oh well he is only 3 soo i guess normal.

Church was interesting tonite "How to study the Bible" using Philemon.. Paster James was talking about how most of us read the bible but not study it im guilty ill read  just to get it done and not take time to think about what the Word says or how God is speaking to me :( sad but true i must study more my life depends on it. 

So far everything is going well with Owen i haven't freaked out in almost a week in a half!! I just gave the whole situation over to God He knows my future and whats good for me Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. I know God wont fail me may it be relationships, my job , my kids and my whole life. I just pray i have can have enough faith to get threw this life!!!

My stupid job!! After all this drama the stupid people tell me "we dont find any evidence of the complaints i made" really!! im upset becuz my friends ex friends are now 2 faced liars they know what goes on and didnt say anything i would have done anything for those girls they were my friends but now they are nothing to me. oh well all things must come to an end just like this stupid job. i need sleep now!! 

Boomer sooner...

..baby!! yeaaa thats right Owen and I plus a few other peeps are gunna go to the OU and texas tech game in Lubbock !! its gunna be awesome. OU is gunna wreck tech!! Also its the day after my 28th bday yup..28 getting older is a part of life haha soo im ok with that i had a half mid life crisis at 21 i freaked out and realized i was actually in my 20s and wondered where the heck my life and time has went. Since then ive had some ups and very down downs ah is well now thanks GOD!!

Im looking for a job i've put in a few applications. not enough obviously oh well soon one will come i hope soon then later. Today the weather is really nice and cloudy and cool!! it beat the 100+ degree heat!
Next week Nehemiah goes to kindergarten!! hes super excited as i am for him im tryen to get zaki into day care too..anyways im finished here for now.. 

day's gone by..

...opps long time no blogging and i know it i just didnt feel like it :S i did but obviously not enough to care to do it. whatever!! 
umm soo last week my co-worker called me on something who my i guess now my ex friend told her what i was gunna do blah blah blah so i told her the truth bout what i was gunna do she didnt like it to much then she proceeded to tell me everyone hates me and thinks im weird and im some religious freak and im racist. all becuz i think obama is the anti-christ haha im entitled to my opinions i dont like the guy he's shady and a bad president and i think hes a muslim. i guess the only thing out of all this mess is that i found out whom i thought was a good friend is really 2 faced and not a friend at all and my other friend wont even talk to me :( that makes me sad we were really good friends. but i guess all good things come to an end at some pointe in life even if does hurt your heart. praise Jesus HIS LOVE is never ending!! some times its hard for people to handle the truth some times i am this way o-well. LIFE goes on.

I won 4 tickets to wonderland from the church radio station Radio by Grace http://radiobygrace.com/  so Owen and i took the boys we had fun wore the kids out!! they loved it. poor Owen got sick tho from the spinning ride LOL i think well go again before it closes. 
Ill post pics later of the boys from that night.

well i dont have much of anything else to say soo see you in a few days blogger <3 

interesting time...

my family has had this weekend. It was Zakariah's birthday weekend..his dad and our friend Sabreen came for the weekend to buy him gifts and stuff for his party!! IT was really good weekend actually sometimes a little bit of drama but all in all thanks God it was nice. Amjid is trying to talk me in to moving back to Austin to be totally honest half of me wants to and the other is a no go. Im just gunna pray bout it God makes everything clear when i ask Him.  Zakis party was fun but i was late and unorganized bout it. Owen took his grill and help us get half of the stuff for the party thanks alot for him :) and Amjid cooked some stuff  the cake was huge i didnt know how big it was till we picked it up 80$ later ack im really glad Amjid paid for it.  Along with buy about 600$ worth of toys and clothes for the boys!! im happy he did that actually!! they got some cute clothes plus zakis some pants for his lil fat butt hes gunna be a big guy like his daddy. 
Zak cried really hard when it was time for his dad to leave it made me kinda sad :( Amjid and I need to make arrangements for him to see zaki more becuz zaki does love him and he knows its his dad they have this weird connection for not ever seeing each other. crazy!! Im gunna post some pics fromthe party later on.

On Monday i was getting a cup from the cabinet and another glass cup fell out and shattered and some glass got into my eye thanks God its ok it just made a bruise on it i went to the er to check bout it it was soo busy over there the eye drops i had to get where 80$!!!! ack crazy!! well im gunna post some pics now ill write later. 

another weekend gone..

..a good weekend actually!! On Friday me and my boys including Owen we went to the race track with dad. im still upset that he sold his car :( the people who have now completely ruined the painting!!!!!! serves em right shouldn't have sold the car dad!!! oh  well dads gonna make the boys a car soon they will love that. I took a few pics of the boys playing on Toms car...

Owen and i had a nice conversation on Friday nite i know i make him crazy when iget in mode freak out but if he likes me as much as he says he does hell understand and try to help me work out the "freak out mode" but well see what happens!! So far its been pretty alright it can only get better right? i think haha who knows!

then on saturday i just hung out at home with my boys didnt do nothing much :) just chill i like those days to just chill and hang out!! On sunday i went to church then lunch with Owen and Zaki as Miah went to play with Lilly at Amys house. We also went to pick out Zaki's birthday cake he wants a Thomas the train one he loves that guy.Then we went by the splash pad to see how busy it was to get an idea for Sunday at Zakis bday party. His dad and maybe Sabreen are coming up from Austin for the weekend. Gunna be an interesting weekend i suppose. Then after running around we went and helped Amy move they finally got a house its really cute one too i wish i could afford my own house one day God willing if the rapture doesnt happen first i prefer rapture first then ill have the best place ever to live with Jesus!! 

 Im just ready for the boys to start school next month so i can get a differnt job!!Since im at work i suppose i should do some work. booi just wanna go to sleep right meow! >.<

since last friday..

not much has really happen. Just on Saturday at church we had some summer thing for the kids "under the big top with Jesus" or something i helped with registration it was easier then working with the 3 and 4 year olds i cant do that gets me crazzyyy a little bit but it still fun to hang out and help. didn't do much after that. Then i went to this hippy junk show different people selling there "junk" some was way to expensive  for the most part. but i  did buy a pretty little  set i got for 15$!! 

then i went to work and then had church Sunday morning then hung out at home like normal i guess i dont really remeber much lol. ah well. life goes on!!


on a different subject... I have decided that i know i cant control every little thing in my life and the more i try the more frustrated and worried i get and feel and the more i wanna freak out on everything. I cant do that i hate those feelings and i know it makes Owen crazy when im in mode freak out and i question him about everything so im letting it all go whatever happens happens so if our relationship is meant to be then it will work out if not then i pray God take him out of my life. I cant keep being frantic  its not worth it. but also i want relationship with him only not his ex's not my ex's i don't talk to any of  my ex's just Zakariah's dad becuz i have to i have his kid that's all we don't talk about my life becuz my life is not his business no more and i don't ask bout his becuz its not my business.Owen is a really nice guy to and has a big heart and will help anyone and i love that about him but there's other things that make me unsure about him and i know he thinks the same about me lol he always tells me im weird haha and i know i am way different then him and anyways idk..


..except i do know...


.. this life this world this countries are about to change.. all for the Glory of God there's so much Bible prophecy happening right now its amazing. God is great! Jesus is Lord and the Holy Spirit is amazing!! Lord dont let me forget that YOU are all i need in this life God and let Ur Holy Spirit teach me from Ur word and shake me when i put useless things before You  God. Amen.

maybe its true or not true...

...when somethings are left unsaid!? I  think  if you want problems or anything else resolved guess u better speak up. today seemed to bea good day hanging out with Owen and my kids all day long got all of owens new truck business taken care of i got a new cell phone and an amarillo number finally. So after runing  around town we had a yummie lunch and then we did a few more things and then went to go swiming. I was changing clothes in owens roomwhile he watched the boys and his work phone went off and it was his 1st ex wife calling for like the 15 time today...seriously i only knew it was her becuz her info is saved on his work phone...really..for wat? he dont work with her he doesnt have a life with not that i know of at least..maybe i shouldnt be overreacting so much but really!! i dont talk to any of my ex's except zaki's dad and thats like once a month and even he knows im dateing Owen now so hes not gunna bother me with nonsense. i feel like a crazy bout this. My one friend told me if i wanna move into the future with him ineed tolet go of my old past and just tust....id rather cry and walk away then dealwith any kinda problem im not good at it i dont know how to handle it with out being upset sure theres worse things to worry bout.


I got an iphone seems ok so for im updateiing the phone its gunna bout 85 hours and so i think im gunna go to sleep becuz my head hurts and im freezing

I so ..

was gunna post my testimony tonite but i didnt get a chance to and now im too tired.. i went to bible study it was on Daniel 3 it posed questions i didnt think bout before and future stuff interesting really i guess!! went to eatafterwords it was  ok food at cheddar's like i think the 2nd time i been there. i need sleep now ill write more tomorrow maybee if something interesting happens!!

allready...

....Thursday!! my my the time fly's  and the days go by fast :) hehe especially when you don't go to work opps i didn't go last nite oh well im soo over that job soo im looking for a new one there's gotta be one out there some where!! Church was interesting last night in Mark 5 the lil girl who died and the lady with blood issue for 12 years and the lil girl was 12 and soo ive come to 2 conclusions bout God ...He seems to like palm trees and the number12!! So im thinking since this is MY blog i should some where on here post my testimony at least...a few weeks ago i gave it at Called out  ,the young adults Bible study at church, I was so nervous and i kept repeating my self lol and i knew i left out some important detail so im gunna take the afternoon and write it up and then copy it over to here :) I love listening to how God has changed peoples life and i love that God has changed my life for the better Praise Jesus!!!

no work...

is nice to hear when i call to see if i was off work tonight :) 5 days nice relaxing. I have like 115 hours of paid time off i need to use before February  or i lose it and my supervisor does not like letting us off of work even if we have the hours boo for her...
...today i took the boys and Lilly swimming it was fun but soo cold.


i feel something strange today i cant exactly explain maybe...becuz on the inside freaking out about some stuff and im suppressing the all the feelings and irrational thoughts screaming in my head. OH LORD please dont let this be a sleepless night lost in useless thoughts.

Dallas Trip!!

Friday the 13th day of July 2012...lol
So on Friday morning we left the church and Amarillo around 9am i was running late haha normal for me i suppose....we had a good trip there... Then when we got there we went to the wrong hotel at first it was nice one then we go to the right hotel it was a little scary some fat old man with no shirt tried hitting on Ashley then there was a lady with a burqa haha and our room was nice until the sheets had freaky stain and hair on it we got clean ones. the guys room smelled like a week's worth of dirty socks! Better them then us. We went swimming at Ashley's brother apartment....we tried teaching Ash how to swimming or even just float lol she cant :(we dont know why that was fun tho floating around the pool and there was the cutest little baby. Then we went to go eat some Indian food it was good i ended up paying for Krystal becuz she forgot her money it was expensive food but it was so yummie you can never go wrong with Indian food 
Then we went swimming at the hotel with the boys :\ the dunked us boo for them lol it was fun tho we talked the indian guy worken at the hotel to keep the pool open longer then it was suppose to be haha which was cool the hot tub wasn't very hot but the jet thingy's on my back felt awesome!! Then we crashed becuz we were so tired. 


Saturday the 14th day of July 2012....lol

we woke up and went to the Bass pro shop with the guys....it was ok once u seen one you've seen them all i think hahaha the only cool thing bout this one was there was a lake behind it and we meaning me Caitlin and Krystal we went out back and walked around on the boat dock thing an i chased some ducks and there was baby ducks in the water floating behind its mamma it was really cute and fun but  HOTTTTTTTTT so we sweatishly went back inside the store to find the boys.  So we made some plans they went to some store and we went to go see my old friend Rikki!! i missed her a lot it was good to see her and her kids. Its good to see old friends sometimes!! Then we skipped lunched and met the guys back at the hotel and Ashley so we could go see the Dead Sea Scrolls (  http://www.facebook.com/SeeTheScrolls) !! They are soo cool plus we seen different old artifacts from Yisrael around the dead sea area soo interesting. Then we went to the   Galleria  a giant mall in Dallas some of the guys ice skated and us girls just walked around looking i bought some silver flipflops becuz mine broke on thursday boo. They were cheaper in Dallas anyways!! Then after the mall we went to eat at Taco bell i thought we were gunna get robbed lol kinda scary in there hahaha but the best part was when we went back to the "roach motel hostel"...i got a key to the boys room from the lady at the front desk and we ransacked the boys room hahahahahaah we tore the blankets off the bed turned on all the lights and the tv took the phone off hook set up the iron bored and put there tooth brushes on it and other things man it was so funny so we cracked there door open a lil bit and hid in the bathroom for what like seemed FOREVERRR they finally came and it was soo funny to us them not so much i could hear Thomas saying " why would they set up the iron board and put our stuff on it and even take the phone off the hook who did this" LOL while we were in the bathroom laughen they heard us and they got quit and was like someones in there so we came out and they didnt find it funny at all man we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt they were like whose gunna make the bed :\ hellur!! we will but still no laughing moments with there we laughed all nite and the day bout it even now were still laughen hahaha. 

Sunday the 15th of July 2012....lol

umm the boys didnt knock on our door or window we figured they were still mad bout their room so after we got dressed and up loaded up the cars we went to eat some free breakfast and check out and zoom off to Church at Gateway Church ( Gateway Church (gatewaypeople.com).) that place was HUGE and really cool the music was ok the guy preaching was funny i dont remember his name tho but he preached over Ruth i like Ruth :) but personally lol if i was doing the series they were i think i would have picked Ester hehe but its all good!! ill go back to that church if i visit Dallas again. Then we left to go home till Treys trailer tired exploded in our faces almost and we had to fix that and we eat lunch and hung out a lil bit then we came home. it was nice to be home my baby's missed me i missed them too!! :) 

Owen came to see me too i missed him also! hes soo sweet person really and has a big heart <3 I appreciate everything he does for me and my family.

:::frustrated:::

...alot today!! my moms husband Tony is a great guy i really like him they are good for each other!! but he has a big problem he needs to deal with it and never does he blows it off...its his son!! quintin a spoiled brat who needs to beat with the metal part of the belt Tony believes all his lies and his drama he cause's between him and mom is craaazy. quintin almost got a beat down today i for the sake of Tony walked away but next time he hits one of my kids again im just gunna break his hands i dont care what any one says my kids are 5 and 2 and hes 15 although he acts like hes a terrible 2 year old he disrespects everyone and acts like we owe him something. even his own mom doesn't wanna deal that's why he lives with Tony but really i think Tony should put him at boys ranch it might do him some good if not hes gunna end up in juvenal jail becuz hes bad kid.

Anyways i finally got car insurance to expensive grr at least  its under 200$!! thx God!! on Friday me and some of the Called out peeps are going to Dallas gunna be super fun!!! Gunna see the Dead sea Scrolls and do watever fun things i guess hahaha gotta get ready for church write more later!!

..dayz go by.

I took my dr's note to my supervisor i was a bit nervous becuz i knew she was mad at me for calling in but i was sick!! So it was little tense when i took her the note she her normal  snooty attitude and she tore open the envelope and read the dr's note like and then was like i guess ill be back on the schedule for Saturday hmm ok thanks... but seriously she could have had less attitude most of the supervisors up there get mad at any little pointless thing...oh well they will get over it!!

we went swimming today it was fun i love it but the most funny part was when zaki wiped out his little pee and started peeing in the pool LOL he had to go i guess ppl cleared the pool pretty fast hahaha it was funny!! Owen Amy Kelly and Lilly came out to swim to it was fun :)

After words we went at Red lobster yummie. Good day it was !! Praise Jesus

summer time sickness..

...really!! crazy! Nehemiah had strep throat and now me! Monday nite at work i felt terrible i was sweating but yet freezing i turned the fan off but then i got hot and i was cold miserable but at least i still got work done...tuesday morning i got home and crashed the boys woke me up i felt like i hit  a brick wall i couldn't breathe  my temp was up and ugh soo i got some medicine called in to late for work my supervisor is probably still pissed me at cuz i had to miss 2  days of work  but oh well i already slack enough at work i don't need her or my other coworkers talking any more crap on me..oh well i cant help it its life!!

everything else going pretty good this summer i really hope zaki gets to go to school downtown  that would be great for me to get a job with normal hours while the kids schooled.

Owen is  such a super guy he works his butt off at my job hes always worried and has me callen my dad up to see if hes doing a good job and blah blah but i think now he under stands when i say if my dad has a problem ur gunna know bout it lol cuz hes gunna call you for it not just dance around the idea..im alot like my dad like that... ill call you when needed its better that way!

>.< sleepingg timeee

yup...

I did something i might have regret doing something today but maybe not..

..some men wonder why most of women have trust issue's but yet the dont stop to think Oh were the reasons they dont trust us or any other male who comes in there life.. my first love cheated on me i cheated him back then the next bf i cheated on him and like wise then i did the big drama mess of cheating with a married person and he being married didn't care at all and blah blah....

...so i went to Owens house and i told him the truth...bout my nosiness getting the best of me and i snooped through his cell phone messages... i felt like a jack@$$ but i did it i read them and i told on myself and i even asked him a million questions and i  told him a million things he probably didn't wanna hear... but in the end we worked everything out and im happy about it!!

Nehemiah strangely has strep throat ... in the middle of the summer soo crazy :| 

i need to sleep now i cant keep my eyes open

לילה טוב (Layla tov ...good nite)

..pretty much..

i suppose all my entry's are the same complaining bout my work and whatever else. well my life revolves around these things obviously work church kids family my bible seems to be the only things i talk bout its becuz they are important lol but today im shifting gears...

...becuz things are starting to get serious with Owen...in a way i think its awesome and another way im really freaking out! After all the mess i've been threw in the lfe i need to l  to need to slepe now!!  kineed sleepppp

crappo weekend man...

...the washer broke... the ac broke... its so hot... there's clothes every where!! sucks!! man work was nice last week no drama everything was good but today i feel it allready starting back to drama gahh hurry up summer i wanna get a differnt hour job while my kids go to school... 

im at a lose for words now i really dont know bout something its making me crazy right now i must go think bout it..

..what a long...

week..sorta bad one too. My job idk what the heck is going on there anymore...i don't even feel close to my 2 good friends there :( the other girl is such a liar its not even funny... and my supervisor believes every little word she says may it be truth or a lie and she doesn't even come to the group to check stuff out she believes  whatever the other girl says. So on my evaluation i got a 1 for unsatisfactory  and all the comments box said " to many complaints from coworkers.." i call BS!! my super visor is suppose to be judging me not the others. I know i know i do slack on my job but so does every one else which is crappy of my supervisor to not think that..anyways i didn't get the job at the prison which is ok i didnt wanna work there anyways.

i felt like total crappy on Wednesday i had a headache a toothache just felt blah. So i went to church anyways and after getting some of The Word in my soul i felt amazing sure my body wanted me to still feel bad i just couldn't becuz my inside was rocken with Jesus!! Praisealujah!! 

thursday is my only day off this week ack! but i have a new car to pay for now ggrr oh well i need sleep now ^_^

..in the blink of an..

eye...yes i say it a lot but its the truth time fly's!! and what a crazy week, the boys had dental appointments went well Nehemiah has to go back on tuesday for to get some crowns and whatnot...i think these dentist just wanna make Medicaid pay or watever becuz hes 5 years old these teeth are gunna fall out  in a few years so all this work they have done is just wasted money. oh well Also on thursday at called out i had to give my testmoney i wish i would have actually thought threw when Russ asked me to do it lol i just figured hey its my life no big i can get it out..but i felt i left a few major details but its ok ill get some other chances some other times im sure. I just hung out today with the kids and did laundry. nothing to exciting.

They other day i also had a job interview it was dumb:/ lol then i had a meeting with my supervisor and i work the NIGHT shift... theres someone who works on the day shift complaining that i lock the doors at night LOL really... the day shift.. why do u care what i do at nite?... get a life and do ur job and stop worrying bout how i do mine ( i had posted this on facebook) then today my supervisor calls me and says well multiple people have seen ur facebook status its not nice to talk bout ur job its not allowed well have to fire you for it.. soo i know who told on me..same girl who crys about every lil thing i do or dont do. and shes not even on my facebook friends shes like like total creepo stalking my facebook.  oh well i dont even haev much people from my work on there becuz of drama like this oh well life goes on... im looking for a job God willing ill get a better one. 

I gotta sleep now cant stay awake...

Sh´ma Yisrael / Baruch Haba

weekend time..

was a nice one!! Friday i just hung out with the kids and whatnot. On Saturday morning i was awake by 7am lol only becuz i had to be at this breakfast in the garden at 845 am. i picked up Amy and we went to walmart to get coffee cups cotton candy muffins lol which were delish!! Then we went to go this lady house whose backyard was awesome set up like a garden zen thing with tables everywhere. I thought it would be fun to set up my own table so i did lol it wasn't much compared to everyone else's lol i didn't go before so i didn't know but it was fun anyways.there was an million different kinds of food to eat so fun.There's a pic of Amy and our table set up thingy lol it took me to days to do that center piece im keeping! ill probably  use it again i love it :D

Then Saturday night i went to a church home group thingy with Owen and mom and Tony it was cool we ate and sat around learning from the word Ephesians 1 more or less trusting in the Lord and Who i am in the Lord. Im blessed by the Lord for sure then we left cuz i had to get the kids from grandmas get em in bed and i had to be at work at 10..but i called in..opps hehe, Owen and I plus big John went to Orange leaf some froyo place i just like there Japanese liquid ball things lol. Then Sunday was church!! we have an awesome church!! i want everyone to come to it lol then pretty much came home took a nap and ate dinner talked to the kids then went to work blah blah lol  fun times tho.

Now i have like at least 3 basket full of clothes just to put away of just the boys :\ they thinks fun to change clothes every hour!! not cool gotta change that habit of there they either run around naked in there undies or are changing clothes i think wed better get to half naked undies kids lol better then 10 piles of clothes by the end of the day. 

life happens.

...and it pass's by us like we ,well i , wouldn't believe. my mom showed me this obituary  from the paper of this lady who died whom ive know for years! Her daughter and i were best friends in elementary school then after that we stop talking becuz you know group friend changes everything changes in middle school. So my mom was like were going to this  funeral and im like no no i dont like them ive only been to like 3 out of my 27 years of life. Well after going to the park with Ashley and the boys mom called and was like hello im here come now soo i reluctantly went. It was so sad really,lots of people, and i even seen some of the kids i went to school with but never spoken to then i seen an old friend whom i knew well back then but not so much now. So after it was over the family went out so we could sorry or watever  you think might comfort someone and never really does. I seen my old friend i gave her a hug and said so sorry i could feel her sadness and i have never been hugged so tight by her before lol freaky sounding i know but it was so sad i didnt feel sad until i hugged her i almost lost it i told her id pray for her becuz wat else can i say? i dont know the experience thanks God my mom is still her id be a nut case with out her. Then i got to her dad, whom i just seen a few months at the store  i  loved her parents they were great people  and i would definetly  call them if i ever needed anything i was close to them, it was so sad to see him but before the funeral ended the preacher guy was like we must pray for Joel her husband becuz after the funeral after the people go away hes gunna be alone his mate is gone :\ sad really but so true, when i seen his tears i thought of that hes gunna be alone how do u deal? I pray for his soul i pray Jesus comforts him to the point of not missing her being there. I pray for my old friend and her brother Jesus that they find comfort in You.

...Sadly i wanted to punch Owen in the gut!!! I let him drive the G8 and we were at taco bell and he didnt pull out far enough and BAMMM drove right onto the freaking curb :\  i was a little upset but he felt really bad lol he kept saying sorry i just ignored him LOL sorry dear hehe :P but its ok i know if he messed up he would fix at least he better or ill chop off his arm or tell my daddy  hahaha :P anyways  i gotta call some people for him soo write more later.

~eggs~

I love eggs  from my head down to my legs! lol  i seriously could eat them for breakfast everyday :) so nice. haha weirdo

thank GOD i have finally made a dentist appointment on Thursday i hate dentist but its the only person who can help me with a tooth problem i suppose.

So God is awesome for many reasons like what happen recently... Art wanted to watch Ra. One the most  stupid stupid stupid Bollywood movie EVERRRRR i give it 10 thumbs down lol well after we , we being Art Ashley and I, after it was over were like ugh boo lol. So later on i was talking to another indian friend about b-wood movies and hes like there soo bad and demonic and blah blah blah and i was thinking on it and God said yea time to say bye bye to them so i said ok good idea God im just not into them, Soo on thursday at Called out i told Ashley ..friend... i dont like bollywood no more lol i dont wanna watch them hehe. her face got so happy and she was like me tooo and how awesome God also convicted her and she told me she was talking to her other friend about how to tell me she dont wanna watch them lol thank You Jesus!! Your awesome!! <3

Well i apply for a new job yesterday at the prison where my mom works i really hope i get it its more money then i make now plus its a normal person hours mon-fri 8-5 so nice :) :::praying for it::

still no hebrew class :( i miss it!! ive been studying tho i really wanna be fluent on it!! i wanna read it with out problems and no long pauses in the middle of the words!!!

Thank You Jesus for this day!!

its one of those days

I didnt sleep well at all last night. i had  killer tooth pain and it was hot and ugh so that has led me into a very cranky. Plus ive been working alot only one day off this week. boo oh well my choice. blah write later g2g to work .

...so back from work. Time went fast it was only 5 hour shift so no big deal.but those stupid people!! trying to steal my hours im basically not getting paid for working 8 hours :\ yea imma go to HR on monday and ask bout that not cool!!  

I have learned so far threw out my journey of this life.. i am a single mom with really no help from anyone except my mom and i have accepted being a single mom it was hard for me at first very hard but now that i have accepted it i cant forget it. Sure sometimes i wanna run away crying but i would come running back faster then i left. i love my kids. ive noticed its hard for some people to accept that im a single mom or that i have kids. which it seems normal but still hard to believe. I know i still get a shock when i hear of someone being a single mom. Anyways lifes hard God never said it would be easy!! 

..on another note a very frustrating one... i have many muslim friends and many anti islam friends. so i getta lotta i hate islam stuff on my facebook and sure it makes my islamic friends upset which is understandable. So one friend said they were christian for 30 + years and not once ever thought Jesus was God so it was easier for her to switch to islam becuz oh they dont believe Jesus is God either.  (idk wat kinda Christianity she was plugged into but its wrong!!) Crazy days ahead of us for sure!! So now my friend has said anyone who puts anything bout hate of islam will not be friend lol soo i was tempted to text her goodbye have a nice life but seriously she just needs to get over herself. shes lived in the USA all her life!! WE by the Grace of God still have freedom of religion and freedom to speak our mind no matter what other people think its our God giving right but its also her right to not hear it or see it lol so i guess our friendship will be ending soon i cant please everyone i dont want too i dont need too or have too. blah blah i dont care anymore anyways. 

..sleep i need it >.< goodnite world!

summer daze

already Nehemiahs finished with pre-k i cant believe he cant believe it lol he keeps asking mom when are you taking me to school were already a day late LOL..he doesnt understand the summer break concept he will and soon he will learn to love it for sure. 

Mom Tony Owen and I went to go see a movie battleship...it was interesting if you like aliens and what no it was nice to just hang out with them also. 

Owen loves my car just as much as me if not more LOL which is cool :) Im  sure hell help me maintain it and keep it nice :) hes super and he has a good heart!! 

Ive had 3 days off from work it was nice i went back yesterday and im bout to go back ugh but its ok i gotta a car to pay for plus other bills i think about August ill have everything caught up and then im gunna start working on my credit and paying off all debit which i think all it equals up to is $1700.00 not to bad really. I wanna be debit free and just have a car payment to worry bout and nothing else. No more credit cards!! lol but its all good. 

Nothing to exciting this weekend which is cool. im tired tho. next friday dad said hed watch the boys so Owen and i can go eat and hang out for a little bit :) should be fun if sth doesn't  come up with Owens job or anything really guess well see next friday.

time for work.. >.<