Friday, December 7, 2012

life's directions...

I know everything is predestined  by God and i know it leaves some people especially my self with a lot of what ifs and why not questions about somethings that have happen and hasn't happen but I guess in the end it doesn't matter at all just as long as Jesus gets all the glory. 
    Today i was thinking about my friend Karim aka Alex... he was my second friend when i moved to Austin He showed me all over the austin we seen and did so much and had fun. I liked him so much i wanted to be with him 24/7 and forever as far as i was concerned but i was in a sticky situation that i didnt even tell him about sorta like a secret life he didnt even know about. some seriously bad things had happen that i got caught up in the moment and i had to leave i didnt have time to say goodbye to him except on a stupid text message and i was upset it had to be that way. I left to go to Kentucky where my mom was and we video chatted alot i missed him and i had to tell him the truth of why i left i was heart broken to tell him i was pregnant with Zakariah and i wanted so bad for zaki to his baby  but i knew it was not the most heart breaking moment was for me to tell him and he said it was ok and that i should have told him what was really going he would have "saved me" from situation but i was afraid and didnt wanna lose him . So after months of not seeing him a year and half later almost 2 years if not a lil more We deiced to meet up in Dallas to hang out for a day or two. It was raining all weekend so we couldn't do much except eat some nasty mexican food and hang out and talk it was great it was like we hadn't missed anything like it was before blah blah blah. He also watched beavis and butt-head for the first time at the hotel haha. He asked me multiple times to move back to Austin but i couldn't becuz of what had happen i was afraid of running in to the wrong people. Alex hates long distance relationships so we wouldn't ever do that and i see why becuz they suck whats the point in them so i didnt blame him for not wanting to have one. I went to Austin again in 2010 i didnt get to see him i wanted to but the trip was HORRIBLE i left as fast as i could and i really regret not seeing him. So after that we talked a few time the phone calls and texts messages sort of stopped or it would be random here and there. And now i could only say i love him as a friend nothing like before everything once again in my life has changed for the better. I have the best bf in the world i wouldnt change him for anything or anyone. and as for Alex i havent a clue becuz i havent spoken to him in months i feel sad becuz its hard  losing a dear friend it never easy to let go of the one you love but i just wanna know why did a relationship  never work with him if it wasnt one thing it was another pulling me in a differnt direction. Why does God put people in our life like that? To teach us lessons? To teach us heartbreak? Im glad God put him in my life!! Th Lord gives The Lord takes away blessed be the name of the LORD! (Job 1-21)

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