i think i have no idea what to think brain dead a bit i feel like it blah we went to dads grave site yesterday left a few things its first time i been since we took the kids.. honestly i don't like going it feels empty and only makes me sad there
i just have dad in my memory's and tons of great photos!! This nice lady from church brought us a frozen lasagna for dinner it was good im happy she did that!!
We didn't go to church tonight as we are going in the morning i like switching it up sometimes and i think Nehemiah wanted to go to 2nd service because one of his friends and his mom help in his class and he likes that so well prolly go at that time.
Im so ready to move to Houston today! but i cant till next month grr i just wanna get up and go and try to make a new normal -_- i feel something good is going to happen there anyways!! Praise Jesus well im gunna go my mind is empty will post again...
with love friends..
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalms 19:14
יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי-פִי, וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶיךָ:יְהוָה, צוּרִי וְגֹאֲלִי.
...really cool last night!! It was Genesis 5 if yall haven't read it YALL need too! But you need to pull out a Hebrew lexicon ( i have one you can barrow LoL ) and do the name game! all the names in that chapter mean something so great you'll be amazed! Don't think im going to tell you because im not its something you should look it up on your own its too good i don't wanna ruin it for you once you understand it!! But speaking of church i take notes all the time and in my book there's about 10 or so pages that the ink has disappeared!!! you can still see it but not enough to read it!! so weird and i don't even know what pen i used! freaky stuff right there!!
Tony had surgery again today on his heart they replaced the mechanism device thingy again it broke -_- poor guy id hate to have that done. But thanks God everything went well were still praying for him tho.
Im pretty sure im moving to Houston next month not exactly in Houston but a surrounding area there for sure! im excited as are the boys because they wanna live by the beach and hey why not! we have one life to live so might as well make it fun.
last night at church i had a vision during worship and i grabbed my book and just starting writing the vision in words it makes sense to me since all the dramic things that have been going on ...so its below as im super nervous to share but its for me so yea...
Lord I feel you tugging on my soul (its a hurt i long for) knowing you'll never let me go God help me to hear you and help me to give you all of me,my worry my pain everything that's screaming in my brain If i can only trust You and I know You'll make it all ok Lord help me just say Your name JESUS!!!
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30
are running rampant in my mind. I cant live this life pain free no matter how much emotion i block out of my life sure i am joyful and happy and sad i still fell these things it some thing im used too im always happy my babys make me happy church makes me happy my family makes me happy and its real it just feels hidden. idk how to describe. My emotions are still running high from my dad it just sucks LORD help to deal with this if i try to block it from my mind im ok but then i cant because its to real -_- i dont wanna deal with it!! i just want the pain to stop im happy my dad is with Jesus so much better place then this hell hole of life but LORD it doesn't make it easier.
Any who moving on.. my babys went back to school Zaki loves it Miahs like really i hate it i just wanna stay home and watch mine-craft videos lol he loves and hes never even play it lol they are getting so big!!!
Tony is having heart surgery again on thursday he and mom are nervous this a 50/50 life saving or ending ordeal Tony said hes ready if he dies his love or the lord is amazing he inspires me!! Mom is like no way dont say this im not ready to lose anyone else as her parents died last year and my dad whose her ex they were married for 25 years thats along time.
ummm when i was like 12/13 i used to chat on yahoo 24/7 lol i met this girl on a britney spears chat we were yelling and making fun of people LOL so we became good friends and today we still are friends we exchanged addresses and she loves in Australia her name is Mery we used to write letters and send each other gifts like pen pals!! shes so funny shes a few years older then me we were PBNF's which we made it and said its poop best net friends lol we still call each other PBNF lol shes awesome were gunna finally meet this coming next year God willing her and now fiance!! are coming to USA to do a bunch of stuff shes so funny im so excited for this!!
Micheal W. Smith has a new cd out called Sovereign its a great cd holy cow everyone NEEDS IT ill post a song from it they are all good songs tho its hard to find good cds but i can name 3 now lol
on an ending not my sister started blogging im happy she needs too it its good for you :) love ya sis! http://livelaughlovelinquist.blogspot.com/
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Im really missing my dad this am all week actually and im fighting back the tears because i dont wanna cry anymore. Tony an mom are heading to Houston today Tonys going to have heart surgery again poor guy hes so upset he has every reason to be sucks. i really hate that my mom is gunna be gone i dont wanna be home alone yet but ill be allright. The boys start school Monday im so ready they are so ready too. Ive gotta find a job here and then im gunna get some money saved up enough so i can move to Galveston im ready to be outta Amarillo i want a different view im tired of here. I want the boys to grow up some where nice the beach is perfect and its nice and so much to do and i think id have better job opportunity's there just a change will do good hey!! One of my friends from church called me i love her and her husband to death they are great!! Her mom died last year so she new exactly how i felt and so she understood how im feeling and everything she encouraged me alot and i totally needed it. im excited for church tonight. Art and i have been hanging out alot nothing new i adore him. i haven't been to dads grave since we took the kids i got something for it i need to go i just havent the guts to do it idk i want to tho...any who we have a house full of peeps and im feeling any moment ill cry or laugh so im gonna jump off this blog for now and catch up later. plus i gotta do some job searching!!
it's been a month since my dad has left for heaven. Amy my sister posted on her face book these words and i cant think of more better ones to say "The
calendar tells me its been a month...my head reminds me its been a
month......my heart is screaming that my head and the calendar is
wrong.." that pretty much sums it up. I know hes gone but im still are we sure sure sure?? and were pretty sure just yea ... last week i had a dream that had me my mom and dad in a strange room my dad had on some nice black slacks and his shirt was shinny white robe looking thing and his head and face where shinny and bright nice looking he was giving me of his best dad hugs and was saying "im ok everything will be fine and ill see you soon" i woke up feeling uneasy because my dad is still dead so i had to go to walmarts and then to Amy's house all the way there i cried because its the same way dad was driving and as soon i got to the place it was my like my heart jumped and the pain had went away and i had stop crying it was freaky -_-!!!
However i haven't been to church since last month its not that i didn't wanna go i did wanna go but i really didn't feel like seeing the worlds face yet so I've been hiding out in my house only for the sake of others because im so moody -_- So i went to church on Sunday i made it almost through the song service then they sang "The Great I Am" (ill post song after) i couldn't not cry my face off i tried not to but it spoke to me reminding me that no matter what happens GOD is in control of every little detail of our life and how great and powerful He really is and that i don't need to worry or stress out about my dad, he loved the Lord and i know where he is to day and that i need to straighten up and stop being so depressed and move forward with the LORD if i want to see either one of them in my time of death. i felt just about 100% better after that song...
... then the first thing Pastor Doug talks about was death (lol) i chuckled with pain inside because hellur its a life ending sentence lol were born to die or as he said from a song "were just breathing to death" makes perfect since his sermon made me happy..Johnathan loved David as his own soul that's a pretty strong love and Johnathan pretty much sacrificed his life for David, David told Johnathan that he would be his right hand man and get everything he got. Sadly Johnathan was killed....David becomes king and later on he not forgetting his "soul mate" ask if anyone is left in Saul's ' ,Jonathan's dad, family and i think how great is God for it to be Mephibosheth Jonathan's son!! He gets to eat at the kings table and live there. He is reaping what his dad sawn i bet Jonathan was jumping for joy to known this. what a great story yall should all read it 1 and 2 Samuel.
My dad has done some pretty great things for people an i feel blessed to hear the story's people tell i get happy butterfly's in my heart im glad he was my dad!! I love ya dad!!
a little grave side decoration
Also on another note... Tony had heart surgery a year ago and well sadly he has to have it again because the valve is messed up -_- how crap is that!! Its very upsetting mom and him haven't a clue what to do next so please pray for them yall its a tough situation!!
Hi im Amber Marcus's 29 your old daughter I've know him all my life *nervous laugh inserted here lol * any who The Bible says in James 4 :14... life is but a vapor here one minute and then gone the next...my dad is the vapor of the methanol burning off the race car motor. Every time we'd go to the race track he'd say with a big 'ol grin on his face you smell that oh how we share the love of that smell and race cars in fact the first car he taught me how to drive was a race car we almost died ,oh sh*t sorry i didn't mean to say this at my dads funeral rosary, He was the best dad ever i cant thank God enough for choosing him to be my earthly father Lord knows i was a mess when i kid but my dad straighten me out and he taught us how to love and respect and whatever we wanted we need to work for it. He was also the best Papa Marcus to our baby's we will all miss him dearly and i thank God we will see him again I love you dad.
I've finally coming to post the beach was amazing!!! we were having a nice summer vacation me and the boys went to Austin for the month of July so Zaki can see his dad anyways who cares because this has been the WORST year of my entire life as some of you know...
....i woke up Saturday July 19 like any other day boys fighting over video games and wanting to go swimming lol but my dad had called me we had just spoken on Thursday which was normal we try to talk every other day or at least on the weekends any who he called me and his whole voice sounded different the phone was very strange he kept saying i love y'all told me i was good mom and he loved the boys which he always said that but this time it was different he asked to talk to the boys he spoke to Zaki ,Nehemiah didn't wanna talk on the phone , then we talked bout his work and how tired he was since hes been there since Friday night!!!! Then we said our i luvs you and good bye. I called my mom right after and told her that i talk to dad and it was weird phone call something felt different. After lunch i took the kids swimming it was bout 230 3ish and the boys were in the big pool i was trying to get in but it didnt feel right so i got in hot tub it was too hot and i literally began to feel sick and my soul started to hurt i didnt know what was wrong all i knew was i hurt and didnt feel good i felt to vomit or cry i couldnt so i made the boys get out and go in shower my mom called me 50xs but i didnt answer cause i had to shower the boys then Amjid came in and his face and his feelings said something was wrong i kept saying whats wrong theres something wrong i can feel i can see it on you he sat his bed saying something about his uncle and sabreen was like chill out i was like no somethings wrong and so he took her outside and he can back in crying his face off i was like someone better tell me whats wrong now!!! Then she told me my dad had died -_- i was like which one my real dad or my step dad Tony cause hes having alot of heart issues and she said no YOUR DAD and i just lost it all there i called my mom to make sure it was true he died somewhere between 330 and 4 pm in a car wreck we guess he fell asleep and wreck. i had to call my sister she didn't know she was at her friends house 30 miles away from Kelly i should have waited but i couldn't i had to tell her she needed to know from her sister no one else. So the next day i drove home from Austin and i couldn't believe it i still cant believe it.
My dad was catholic so we had rosary and his funeral the next day it was nice his body was viewable at the funeral home but i didn't wanna go see it i just want his nice memory's in my mind not his dead body. the kids are having a hard time with this we all are we dont wanna believe it but its true. Amy an Kelly made a checkered flag cross with a 7 on it and we put it at the crash site.
the following Saturday at RT66 motor speedway an the help of one of dads close friends put together a balloon release 7 purple 14 white and yellow balloons and her son did a victory lap for dad with checkered flags it was cool.Then the go-kart track did a race and other things i was stuck in Austin and i missed it :( but Amy recorded it it was nice an then his work did a nice thing of catfish and chicken dinner good food and the people who worked for dad told us nice story's and funny story's about him. He will missed like no other but i know he resides in heaven and ill see him again that makes this life just a little easier.
ill post what i said at the rosary in another post. i didn't make it threw all the way because i was so nervous but ill post everything i said and wanted to say.
