Steffany Frizzell The more I seek You + Spontaneous worship

Nothing

new is really going. Still working at Torrid i love it!!  Its been raining like crazy here!! I dont like it to much its muddy and makes me super sleepy!! However its nice tho better then in Amarillo NO rain ever unless theres tornadoes boo!! The boys are so ready for school to be out i dont know if im ready for that yet. Zaki has been super bad at school not listen to the teacher arguing with them he doesnt complete his work he dont focus at all. its annoying i ground him and take stuff away its like he doesnt care!! its super annoying when i spank his butt he seems to listen for that moment.Nehemiah is doing super good at school smart kid!!

I however am missing my family an friends and my church family in Amarillo ...grr as for missing amarillo no thanks lol

well be back on a differnt day maybe with some nice news!!

Another month

has flown by!! Time is going like crazy everything is going ok i think ... as good as the situation is gonna be for now...
 ...i got a job at this awesome clothing store called Torrid its plus size clothing!! I helped open it and set stuff up and hang clothes and folded shirt and folded shirt and folded shirts LOL its hard work opening a clothing store!! But it was super interesting something i dont wanna do again unless im like owner or co owner!! 

Im still looking for a better job to actually help me pay my bills and get my own space and not live wit my cousin. Its cool an all but we all used to our own space..

Missing my dad comes in waves some days are better then others which is normal... i told my mum the other night i swear i still think its not real...like hes gone a vacation and hell call as soon as hes back... i mean i guess while writing this i was thinking hes kinda on vacation and ill see him again in heaven for sure!! 

Me an my cousin and her daughter went to the beach today while the kids were at school its nice to just go alone sometimes with out kids and listen to the waves and get sum sun and walk on the beach looking for "treasures" and by treasure i mean sea shells!! we always come home with a bag full and just leave em on the porch lol its cool tho!! But today we got giant shells!! they are awesome ill post pic..im ready for summer 

barley breathing

barley=only just...almost not 

almost not ...  i love this definition because its how the last month has been for me. a mess.

my heart hurts to night like a bad pain that my hardest sobs and gasps for air cant even compare to. the pain is screaming i miss my dad i need him right now i need his best dad hug i need his stern "listen kid im gonna kick your butt if you dont stop...(insert the newest mess i've gotten myself into for the week) 

i feel a million miles away from God...its ugly out here to much pain to bear really.. my friend say me "fake it till you make it" soo im taking that advice im pounding my head with all the verses that i know by memory listen to every song that praises God....i opened my bible on sunday at church its the first time in a while...i think the words were dancing with joy on the page at least my heart felt "at home"

so friends please keep me in your prayers because im almost not praying at all. 
thanks

Cant get enough of this song

a whole new year and..

I haven't been here I haven't wanted to write i haven't wanted to do anything except stay in a funky zombie mode. I hate it!!

Christmas came and gone it was ok i got the boys a bunch of stuff they wanted it was nice for them. New years came and gone and now its the end of January.

Im still feeling lost annoyed confused so many emotions i cant keep up and i felt i have ran so far away from God its not even funny

But i have come to a stopping point i have to for my soul for my sanity for the very breath that i breathe that i can hardly suck in the air to make sense of life sometime...
Thank You Jesus for always being there in my time of crazy and for never leaving me when i run so far away God help me to see only YOU!!

Thanksgiving...

was another day a new feel to an old holiday. It was nice to hang out with my sister we spent some much needed sister time together good chats and fun shopping kinda black friday on a thursday night was ridiculously stupid! i wont do it again!! It was also good to spend it wit my grandparents and my dads family. We talked about how thanksgiving was one of dads favoirte and how he likes to cook turkey and its always a new style or flavor of some sort!! It was good to talk about him my heart hurts that i cant call him. 

I have yelled at God and i even have stopped speaking to Him but not a second goes by that He reminds me Hes still in control and i need to stop and breath this is life and its gonna go on and get better the pain is still gonna be impending but only for a little bit!!