Thanksgiving...

was another day a new feel to an old holiday. It was nice to hang out with my sister we spent some much needed sister time together good chats and fun shopping kinda black friday on a thursday night was ridiculously stupid! i wont do it again!! It was also good to spend it wit my grandparents and my dads family. We talked about how thanksgiving was one of dads favoirte and how he likes to cook turkey and its always a new style or flavor of some sort!! It was good to talk about him my heart hurts that i cant call him. 

I have yelled at God and i even have stopped speaking to Him but not a second goes by that He reminds me Hes still in control and i need to stop and breath this is life and its gonna go on and get better the pain is still gonna be impending but only for a little bit!! 

Time is going like crazy

I haven't had internet for all month!!! Which sucks and so much has happen... oh I turned 30 its not really a big deal actually i thought about a having a "mid life" crisis but i did that when i was 22 haha so its whatever i don't feel older! 

I finally got a house!! It's cute 4 bedroom 2 bathroom its two story i  like it!! however for the future reference i don't want a two story house all flat is fine wit me!! 

I met this guy his name is Patrick!! I like him hes seems really cool!! Although hes younger then me lol 26 to be exact we seem to get along well! I went to his city this past weekend we went to this beach and walked on the pier had some good mexican food hung out a little bit with his grandma a nice little old lady. He has really nice family! i hope everything works out for the best!

I still miss my dad with every breathe i take and it seems easier to deal with when i dont think about him but when i do the melt down happens and streams of tears pour out of my eyes. Happens at least once a week. At the church here they have a grief class ill probably go to it and see how it is. I was talking to the Pastor  this morning i was like i feel mad i felt mad i was mad at God i was mad at everything and everyone and i wanted to blame my dads wife blame his job blame blame blame but i know its none of there faults and when i try to reason what happen it dont make sense and i feel mad all over again and asking God why why I already know why my dads work was done here God wanted him! i praise God that my dad knew Him had a relationship as well. 

I for the past few months have been clinging on to this verse :

 

yea its been the only thing that makes some sense to me!!  but yea im out this till a later day! 

hot and humid

is the weather here some days it rains its really nice. its October my favorite month because its my b-day month and because its the first of fall and its just a nice month!! I guess well see how October treats south Texas!!
   We still haven't found a house i know ive only been here two weeks but still i want one now! My kids need there own space its hard for them to sleep at night because they think its play time -_-! plus not having a space for my clothes and just to completely veg out isnt cool. Which im very very thankful, greatful and really blessed that my cousin is super awesome and lets us crash at her casa!! its very homey feeling and i like it!!
All of us as a family went to this aa dance because my other cousin goes to aa or whatever idk but it was fun and funny watching crazy's dance xD!!
 I have but havent been to much looking for a job im more looking for a house and feeling frustrated to the maxxxx but i know God has a plan!! something big is gunna happen soon with this world! Jesus we are ready for you to come so blow the trumpets!!
Sunday is my dirty 30 bday gah last weekend of m 20s lol im just gunna watch tv and hang out wit my boys!! ill past later!!

Tehillim 19 (Psalm 19)

^14 (15) Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my lev(heart), be acceptable in Thy sight, O Hashem, my Tzur (rock), and Go’ali (my Redeemer).

Sometimes i feel...

like a broken record on repeat when it comes to life and especially with my boys. Always same thing and just more frustration everyday. So i packed up some stuff on Thursday and i left Friday afternoon i checked the boys out of school and left Amarillo. I drove to Dallas spent the night and spent the day with my cousin and her kids it was nice to see them we had some fun!! Then i drove to Houston and i checked my boys into a new school and im looking for a house!

....... Why not!?

 We have one life to live and i dont wanna live it in amarillo because it sucks there!!! 

My dads birthday was on saturday and i tried all day not to think about it but everything i seen remind me of him he used to carry a giant mug to drink from and i seen them at every gas station -_- then driving to Houston i seen 3 sprint cars!!! lol i was like ok Fine dad i wont forget i cant forget i just cant call you and tell you so i just whispered happy first birthday in heaven dad! 

well nothing much else is happening just looking for a house im staying with my cousin at her house shes a trip were alot a like including our looks its kinda freaky LoL but cool ! Im gunna go to Galveston island and walk around look for a job or something fun.

trying to find a new normal

So since last Saturday till last night I had a hell of a week every little thing that happen I was thinking man I gotta call dad and tell him this  52 days he's been gone it's become a little easy to laugh but the sting of death still hurts.
I had a really bad day yesterday with the boys they haven't listened all week and they wouldn't clean up there toys so i finally went off they got showers after dinner and spankings a good talking to they happily went to bed after the COPS left!! yes the cops because i go into my room and see a freaking possum!!!! i called my uncle Doug and tell him to run his big butt over to my house cuz theres a crazy wild animal in my house!!! So he arrived and  he was like hahaha no call the county and get some experts here LOL i swear they sent the two most wimpiest cops LOL they were screaming and jumping around like girls LOL it was so funny, me and my uncle were standing at the end of hall and were like waiting for them to come so we can open the door my stupid cat come running the down the hall we both jumped a mile high!! it was good laugh xD although idk how this freaky animal came in my house!! yuck!! Today we were laughing about it at my grandmas thinking about how hard dad would have been laughing :) its good to laugh and be happy with my family even the thought of dad gone SUCKS but i know hes ok so i gotta get my head together and get this life rolling no more sleeping till the boys get outta school -<(*_*)> anywho i gotta get the boys some dinner and we gunna watch a movie before bed time!! 

People are ...

just people and i sometimes forget how not nice we are.  We begged my dads wife not to delete his facebook she didnt even listen to us she just told us well its not ur choice its mine she didnt even think of my grandparents facebook might be nothing to her but its where dad communicated from he'd leave nice notes and photos and although we did make him tribute page its not the same his comments are gone from his page our photos everywhere shes such a turd!! its nicest word i can use with out being ugly. 
   She brought all 3 of his guitars to my grandparents house im glad i was there grandpa gave me all 3 i just wanted 1 but ill take all 3 i gave Amy 2 because a few years back he gave me a red one. She also brought a cd from his rosary ill try to get it uploaded some how on here idk how but ill figure it out its a good video has 2 venture songs which was one of his favorite groups and Los  Lonely boys how far is heaven.

I was talking with Peter yesterday he always seems to have good advice lol esp with my kids lol cuz i kinna went nuts and yelled and i had the phone in my face lol  -_- opps sorryy sweets for yelling in yo face!  Anywho he gave me some ideas on how to handle Nehemiah and his freak outs. ill give it a try! Zaki is loving school Miah not so much he wants to be home schooled i dont think so!! We have open house tonite and then breakfast for dinner at Rissa's house!! blog mo' later!! 

On monday...

morning i left to go to Amys house and my tire just fell apart it was weird this nice trucker guy stopped and fixed it for me thank God i was like oh dang whom im gunna call my dad is in heaven so i called my grandpa

but the guy stopped and help so yea. i thought it was gunna be a bad day but it really wasnt!! Art and i actually went to our friends house from church for lunch and we played mexican train sorta like dominoes it was so fun and nice to fellowship with good people!! then one of my favorite person Peter called its always great to talk to him i love that guy!! Im so ready for a change idk i feel something good is going to happen soon -_- idk when i just feel it... anyways i found this nice thing for my dad ill share it so not much to say just getting this stuff off my chest...